A Reflection: The Pains And Obsessions

Posted: Nov 15 2017

A reflection: the pains and obessions


You ever find yourself (minorly) obsessed with something? No? Me either.


However, let’s indulge in the idea that we just might. Like, on a rainy afternoon when you find yourself staring out the window, torn between the metaphors of it all. Dance in the rain, or bunker down in what is comfortable and familiar. In this scenario, I bunkered down.
I found myself re-watching the Nicholas Sparks Movie The Best of Me (and cursing his brilliant ability to have my tears continuing to fall hours after the final scene ended.) After the movie ended, something inside of me was still not done with self-punishment, so I logged on and ordered the book from the library – pick up in two days. Done.


In the meantime, I went online and started watching clips of favored scenes, and reading quotes from both the movie and the book. And growing more and more bunkered down and less and less of feeling the urge to dance in the rain. This went on for days. Yep, days … plural.


For those who have not watched or read the book, I will assure you now – there will be no spoiler alerts here. I do encourage you to non-obsessively read the book and watch the movie. Shut down from the mainstream and give yourself the damn good cry you deserve. You can thank me later. After all, this is my first post – let’s bond over the Nicholas Sparks cry, (which is different than any other cry I have had!) With that said, in the movie, there is a character named Tuck. There is something about him … you cannot help but fall in love. There is a scene where he says, “You have wounds that never healed and you lived with them so long you don't even know they're there anymore.” Oh, wise Tuck. PREACH!


In my life, I can think of the pain that, if I am being honest … never healed. Instead, it settled deep into my soul. Without short moments of fleeting reflection, I probably would have forgotten it completely … I would have lived with it for so long I would not have even known it was there anymore. And if we are all being honest, we live with deep, rooted pain too.


Like first loves and life that kept them apart.
Or a daughter who craved her mother’s love. Or a mother who craves her child’s.
Or a wife who settled.
Or an employee who was lost in the grind.
Or a dream that died and was never replaced.
Or a regret that hung around with the late-night whiskey.


My pain, like yours, doesn’t have to stay. But, we need to be prepared to do the hard work to dig out the roots. Dig with me. Remind yourself every day that life is a journey. Along with that journey, we will face pain. Some that are so deeply rooted, it manifests twenty years later and sits at your dining room table, drinking hot tea (with the whiskey) and begging you to turn around and face it.


So … turn around. Face it. I know it’s scary, but look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself;

How beautiful you are.
How courageous.
How compassionate.
How brave.
How strong.
And how you forgive yourself (and others).


Keep telling yourself this. Obsessively, day after day. Yes, we may have deep-rooted pain ... but that pain developed our compassion, our empathy, and the love we give. We are long overdue for embracing those truths and digging out the rest. I’ll grab shovels. You get the popcorn and Kleenex.

Chrissy Kohler-Shelton // Lifestyle Contributor 


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